Another update

First, I just wanted to say that I chuckled when I saw your comments on yesterday's post.  Thanks for that.  : )

So.  The update.  Well, honestly, this is going to be another update of "no news,"  but more information.   We got our bi-monthly update and learned that there have been three placements in July and August from our office.  We also learned that there are three expectant parents (we've recently learned that "expectant parents" is the correct term for the biological parent before they give birth/make an adoption plan) working with Bethany right now.  Two of them are very early in the procedure (and I believe those two are Caucasian).  The other expectant mother has already picked out a family that she would like to meet.  (It is possible that family doesn't turn out to be her choice - or her that family's choice.)  Basically, what that email told us is that unless someone calls from the hospital looking for an adoptive family, we shouldn't expect anything in the next few months. 

I've been aching for some news, so after that report, I got a little more bold and replied back to our social worker to ask her more specifically about our situation.  Here's what I found out.  Among the "open to any race" families, ours is currently fifth in terms of when the home studies were approved (which is how they determine which profiles are shown first).  Because there are some families who are only open to Caucasian babies, those families are put in line first for profiles shown to Caucasian expectant parents, so for a Caucasian baby, we're 12th on the list for our office. 

I also found out that our profile has not yet been shown.  Ever.  I have mixed emotions about that.  I want our profile to be shown (obviously), because that's how the process will move on at this point.  That's how we'll find out who our son or daughter's birthmom is and how we'll eventually find out a due date...and, in the end, how we'll bring our son or daughter home!  But, in someways, it is better knowing that they haven't shown it to 10 expectant parents just to have it rejected over and over.  As my good friend said, "Well, at least you know it's not you!"

The reason our profile hasn't been shown yet is because we said we're not open to "pass through" costs.  (That means money that we pay that could be anything from prenatal care for the expectant mother/baby to court costs to get paternal consent/paternal parental rights terminated.)  Each of the placements that have happened thus far have involved "pass through" costs for court.  Generally, for court costs, it's from $500 to $1500. 

I haven't talked to Sweets about it yet, but I'm starting to wonder if we should change that part of our profile.  Even if we just say we'll consider it for court costs only, at least that would allow our profile to be shown more widely.  But, if we don't have that money set aside, and we don't know if/how much we'd be approved for as far as grant money, there's no way to know if those costs would be covered.  *sigh*  This is one of those times where part of me wishes that I didn't have to be so rational and responsible about finances.  I mean, this is a BABY we're talking about...part of me wants to say, "let's just do it...God will provide."  But I don't know if God would honor that decision if it was made recklessly, for selfish reasons.  At this point, I'm not crying myself to sleep at night, aching to hold my baby, but it seems like we're at a standstill...and I do want this process to continue.  More praying, more talking, and more waiting appears to be in store for us...