A difficult "no"

We had an email from our social worker today with another "alternative" scenario.  I know I wrote before that we got the email about the out of state baby boy with Down Syndrome.  This was another one of those kinds of emails.  This one, however, was much more difficult for me to say "no" to.  (Given that I said that, it should be obvious that we have said "no." Even so, as I've said before, I want all of this chronicled, so I'm writing it down for the sake of that.)

The situation is that there is a woman who has had five children and two abortions.  She has made an adoption plan for two of her children, and she is looking to make one for two of her other children - a girl seven years old and a baby girl eight months old.  They are both developmentally on track and in good health. 

My dear husband is much more level headed than I.  After I forwarded him the email, I called him and asked him what he thought.  He said he was open to talking about it, but his initial reaction was that adopting a school-aged child at this point in our family would be seriously biting off more than we could chew.  Disregarding the practical concerns of all the kinds of things we would need to get for an older child, we'd also have to deal with emotional and relational things that we don't have any experience with yet.  Then he asked what I thought.  So, I told him.

My heart has been more and more softened to the concept of adopting an older child.  I don't think I've written much about it yet, but as we've been waiting for our baby, I've been thinking more and more about adoption and how much it is necessary, especially for older kids.  In our B.A. (before Army) days, Sweets and I both worked for the public school system in the small North Carolina county where we lived.  I saw, in those three years, first hand kids in the foster care system, kids who should have been in the foster care system, and some children who had situations that necessitated adoption despite the fact that their biological parents were still alive.

God has given me a very tender heart for those children.  In fact, I've always had a tender heart for the "underdog."  In elementary school, I always made sure that the "new kid" had a friend in me.  I did my best to stick up for justice and peace among my classmates.  I spoke out against picking on other kids.  I don't want to make myself sound like a saint or anything...I know my own faults, and I know where my heart is hard.  I just know that I had a fantastic childhood and very loving parents and even as a child, when I heard other kids didn't have that, it broke my heart.  Still does.  Cut back to the present and my response to Sweets.

I told him that I wasn't ready to say no (this, again, is earlier this morning before we had a chance to talk in person), because of the above reasons, but that I wanted to be wise and careful and not make a decision that would hurt our family.  Despite battling a small amount of guilt for this, I know my/our first priority is to protect and keep safe the family we already have.  That includes being very careful about what we open ourselves up to.  I know that God can do miracles and that He can protect us from all harm...but that doesn't mean we just act recklessly, either.

When Busy Bee and I got back from the gym, Sweets was already at home for lunch.  We talked more about the scenario at that point.  (I should also mention that I called my mom and asked her to pray for wisdom and discernment for us, knowing that we were about to have a very important conversation.  She said she would pray, but that her gut-reaction was that this was not a good idea for us and that we should say no.)  Essentially, I listened to Sweets give his rationale again and could tell that he wasn't wanting to say no out of fear, but out of true concern for our family's best interest.  I'm thankful that he's willing to tell me truthfully what he thinks and that he's willing to be honest even if he knows we're not exactly on the same page at that point.

Given the fact, however, that he felt very strongly and my mom (who is a very wise and discerning woman) felt as he did, I know it was the wise thing to do to listen to that good counsel.  It's just hard for me to say "no."  My heart has always broken for little children in the exact situation that these two are in, and this is why I wanted to adopt in the first place.  I want to give a home and love and a family to a child who would otherwise not know those things.  I should say that Sweets isn't opposed to someday adopting an older child, which just makes me respect him and thank God for him that much more, but I think he's wise to say that it's not a good match for our family right now.  He even said that if we didn't have a toddler, it would be different and he might consider it, but that with our Busy Bee, we need to be that much more careful about our decisions regarding the adoption.  Can you tell I think he's a very wise man?  Can you tell I respect him sincerely and love him deeply?  'Cause I do.  Even when he tells me the hard truth for my heart to hear, I am so thankful that God has given me a partner who helps me put everything in wise perspective and takes such good care of our family.


*Please don't forget about our CRAFT SALE!  We still need donations of all kinds!*