Adoption update

We heard  from our social worker a few days ago!  Before I get into the details, I just have to say that we were very excited to get some word from her.   The way the process works now is that we are just waiting for a birthmom to like our profile and want to meet us for possible placement match.  If that doesn't happen (which hasn't yet), there's a bimonthly email from our social worker outlining the current situation at the agency.  Our home study was approved on June 29th and the bimonthly email was due to come out on July 1.  So, right after we had talked to our social worker, the email came out.  The next one, then, won't come out until September.  So, for the last two months, we've been waiting for some word.  And nothing.  Until two days ago.  (Now, don't get excited.  Nothing came of it.  But I'll get to that.)

We got an email from our social worker letting us know of a birthmom looking for a match.  Our social worker was looking to see if we were interested in having our profile shown to her, because she was out of state.  Way out of state.  I mean, we're essentially on the Atlantic Ocean, and the state the birthmom is in is smack dab in the middle of the country.  We've always been very confident that we'd want to stay in state for our adoption.  Going out of state complicates things a lot in terms of paperwork, not to mention raising the cost of the process, which is something we'd definitely like to avoid.

The other issue for us is that the baby (a boy due in October) is diagnosed with Down syndrome.  I have a cousin with Down syndrome, whom I love dearly, and I know that Down syndrome doesn't mean that a person won't contribute anything to a family or to society.  However, I know there are definitely lots of issues to consider when saying "yes" to a situation like that.  We just didn't feel at peace about that.

So, why am I reporting all of this?  Well, partly for myself, for a record of everything that happens, partly for "full disclosure" so that my mom and grandma (Hi, Momma and Gram!) know every single thing that happens in our process, and lastly because I've been thinking a lot about it.  I'm not second guessing our decision at all, but there's a part of me that keeps thinking that if we'd said that our profile could be shown, we might be actually getting ready for Baby 2 now.  Again, let me stress that I'm sure that this baby was not the right baby for our family.  But I'm just to eager to know when and what and how...I feel so excited for a situation that I know is coming eventually, but I don't have any information about yet.  It's starting to get a little overwhelming.  And it's starting to feel like maybe it won't happen.  Obviously, that's not true, and I can cognitively tell myself that I just have to wait for God's perfect timing.  But without any word about anything from Bethany (our adoption agency), I was starting to feel very cut off from the process, despite the fact that nothing is happening as far as we know.

The philosophy at our agency is that they try to reduce the amount of "rollercoaster" emotional drama that might occur by hearing frequently that birthmoms are looking at our profile and then hearing that they're not interested in meeting us.  So, we'll only hear when someone wants to meet us.  I appreciate that.  But I also really would like to know if our profile has ever even been shown.  Basically, after two months of not hearing anything (despite the fact that knowing in another few days another email should come up and in September we'll also finally be able to go to our first meeting at Bethany for waiting families), I just want to shout, "WHAT'S GOING ON!?!?"  I crave an update...I crave a plan...I crave knowledge.  *Confession time* See, I'm very content to wait for our son or daughter, but I want to tell God my parameters.  I want to say, "Yes.  I'll wait contentedly and patiently, as long as You tell me how long that's going to be."  I'm struggling to be content in all things at this point.  I'm struggling to be content in the "not knowing" part.  And, in all honesty, I'm not feeling really excited about praying to be content with not knowing.  I'd rather pray (and do) that we at least get to know what's going on soon.  But I know that God wants me to trust Him even in the not knowing.  I probably should start praying for patience...and that God changes my heart to want patience for the process, wherever we happen to be in the process.  *sigh*