Just us, for now

So, clearly, that phone call from Bethany on Wednesday rocked our world.  We prayed and thought and talked and listened and prayed and thought some more.  We knew that we couldn't make it happen alone, but we were feeling God was asking us to be prepared for Him to open doors and for us to step out in faith.  We were afraid, but ready and willing to do just that.

But we don't have to.  At least, not now.

Levi's birthmom has decided that she wants to let her sister take custody of her 2 year old son, instead of us.

So. That puts us back to "just us,"  our two boys and another little one on the way, and a move in less than a month almost all the way to the other side of the country.  Just three days ago, as peaceful as I was starting to feel about it all, it still seemed like a lot.  Today, not so much.  It's funny how perspective can change so quickly.

In a way, I'm thankful for the roller coaster of the last 36/48 hours.  I feel now that what we have ahead of us is very doable and not so scary.  Scary would have been traveling across the country with a brand new 2 year old son we knew next to nothing about.  Scary would have been trying to love and nurture a new 2 year old son with less time to devote than ever.  Scary would have been skipping the option to try out three kids before we were expecting our fourth.

So, two boys we know and love traveling across the country isn't scary.  Adding a third child (which we've always hoped for) after having 9 months to adjust to two kids isn't scary.  Having three kids before we have to decide if/how we want to add more children to our family isn't scary.

I worry about this little boy a bit, but I know God is in control.  It may be that the birthmom calls back and changes her mind, but we'll deal with that if it happens.

And, you know, I feel what I imagine Abraham felt when he saw the ram in the bushes while Isaac was tied up to be sacrificed.  We were ready to sacrifice; I,  my comfort, my security, my own "on-top-of-it-ness" to love and parent and guide and cherish another little one.  And I think God is pleased that we surrendered that way to Him.  I think He loves that we were ready to follow Him, away from family, away from comfort, into a scary, unknown place, but with faith that He would guide and provide in every moment in every situation.  But, admittedly, it's a relief to see we don't have to make that call.  To see that another option has presented itself for this child to be placed in another home, by the birthmother's choice, is a relief.  We would have gone where we were called, but to find that we're not called (today, or in the next several weeks, at least) to go there is reassuring to say the least.

We are overwhelmed and so touched by all the encouragement and prayers, along with offers of financial and physical help, we received over the last few days.  We have some seriously amazing friends and family and we are so thankful for all of you.  And now, suddenly, my day seems free.  I'll do a little cleaning.  Maybe take the boys out for a bit.  Maybe go for a walk and enjoy the peace and the comfort I feel, knowing that God is watching over us, always, providing what we need when we need it.  Including rams in bushes.