Call me crazy...

When we were expecting Lucas, my parents offered to buy our baby bedding as their gift to us.  We picked out what we thought was a great set.  I didn't want anything too masculine, partly because I don't think of a baby boy as being very masculine, and partly because we wanted a set that would be appropriate for future children, no matter the gender.  We ended up choosing one that was called Turtle Bay, I think, and I loved it for Lucas.

When we were not-yet approved for adoption through Bethany, Lucas still slept in his crib.  He was not even two yet at that point.  We weren't sure how quickly we'd get a baby, but on the assumption that it could be "any day," we decided to move Lucas to his big boy bed, and do it quickly, so that if we did get a baby immediately, there wouldn't be any traumatic transition for Lucas of , "Hey, there's a new kid here, so get out of your bed."  Clearly, we didn't encounter that difficulty.

Anyway, our nursery has been sitting empty for over a year and a half.  Waiting to permanently welcome and keep safe our precious Baby 2.  In the meantime, we've had at least five other babies make use of that space during visits or play dates.  We've also had several other people make use of the floor in that room.

 So it hasn't been abandoned - in fact, Lucas and I often still sit and snuggle in the glider after he wakes up from his nap.  During the last several sessions of rocking and snuggling, I've been looking around that room, anticipating still when our new baby will come home.  And I got to thinking...

This nursery still looks like it belongs to a boy.  If we get a baby boy, great.  I'm not at all opposed to using hand-me-downs.  I grew up on them, for goodness sake!  But if we get a baby girl...I want to enjoy having a girl.  I want to have pink!  I want to buy dresses!  I want to enjoy the differences that having a girl brings.

So, I started checking craigslist every so often, to see if anyone were selling baby girl crib bedding.  The walls in the nursery are a pale blue.  Sure, you could say that's a boy color, but it's very calming and I don't have any desire to change the wall color.  (Partly, because I don't want to have to paint, and partly because I really truly do like the color in there.)  There are some very cute baby girl bedding sets that incorporate blues with pinks, so I started to search one out via craigslist.

I found one.  And today, I bought it.  It was a great deal.  The previous owner was a young mom like me who was having her second baby and wanted to re-do the nursery, so she was selling everything from her old one.

Some people might think I'm crazy to spend money on a baby bedding set that I might never use.  If we get a baby boy, this will just go right back up on craigslist.  But if we get a girl, I'll have something to get the nursery ready for her.  Something girly and cute and PINK.

 


The adoption process has been long and emotional to say the least.  One of the things I've grieved is being able to really celebrate the coming of the baby the way other expectant mothers can.  You don't have a baby shower for a baby you're not sure is coming anytime soon.  You don't get to register for things you still need.  You don't get questioned (frequently or by very many people except your closest family and  friends who really get it) about how you're feeling these days or what you're excited or nervous about.  And after 18 months of this long and emotional road, you just kind of get stuck in a "we're just waiting" phase.  Today I decided to change it up a little bit.  To give myself a little bit of the joy of washing baby sheets (for my own baby) and doing just a little bit of happy daydreaming about what it will be like to finally hold that sweet child and snuggle him or her in the nursery for a nap or to rock him or her in that chair for a midnight feeding. 

It's a small victory.  An ever-so-subtle shift in perception.  We WILL be bringing a baby home to that room someday.  And now I feel just a little bit more excited and prepared.  And I need to buy Dreft.